it's a burglary

the 4th

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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hy does a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Friday morning

Pastor Quinn, the gay converter


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I still prefer to stay involved; with my partner out of the country for an extended time, it's important that I remain active

for the cycles that make up my life

for the boundaries that I maintain

that I am off to the gym for cardio at 5am today


I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson: to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power...
- Mahatma Gandhi

down home, at home

Look what the cat brought in


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my friend Jesse J. told his story of experience, strength and hope yesterday

that I went to the inaugural meeting of a Double Winners group last night at Lambda Center; I can sure use me some good Al-Anon

that I only have one life to live, but I get to live it in 2 very distinct halves

for the PBS show, American Masters, which highlighted Garrison Keillor last night

There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen

It's already Wednesday!

Jaywalking





todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that miracles never cease

for the wide range of people I've met in the rooms of AA

for the wider range of people I've yet to meet in the rooms of AA

that I've been lucky enough to go to AA meetings in Houston, Palm Springs, New York City, London, Costa Rica and Trinidad. Later this month, I get to speak at a meeting in Austin.

for spontaneity; I plan it as often as possible


If I have learned one thing in this life, it is that God will not tie my shoes without me.
- Doug Boyd

Tuesday

The top 12 indicators that the economy is bad--

12. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children's names.

5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America ?"

3. Motel Six won't leave the lights on.

2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as "insufficient funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


for the role models in my life (I shall decline to name them here)

that I can go through a whole day (morning, noon and night) without the urge to have a beer or a rum & coke

that I've been able to do that for over 5 years

that keeping my side of the street clean daily is much eaiser than ignoring the mess for awhile and then having to clean it

that our forecast today is for a high temp of only 98; we've had 7 consecutive days of +100, ranging from 101-104 deg

Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.
- William Penn

back to ...

Nairobi umbrella





todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the miracles offered me, often without my knowledge

for just about the most fun I've experienced in sobriety -- about 7 hours with 15 other friends in recovery as we decorated vehicles, then waited for hours in the extreme heat (together) at the staging area for the Gay Pride Parade. The Parade took 2 hours itself, and I got to drive the convertible which presented Mr & Miss Lambda 2009.

that I got to meet and hold conversation with Annise Parker and Carlos Obando, who are running campaigns for Houston Mayor and City Council. Both are openly gay candidates, but stand for much more than just that.

that Scott W. celebrates another birthday today and he does it as a sober man

The giant oak is an acorn that held its ground.
~~ unknown

The Colo-Rectal Surgeon

Amazing, Simple Home Remedies

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Looking at Me

THIS is my all-time favorite music video, especially the last minute. The song ain't bad either.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

we read Step 4 yesterday in the 6:30am Eyes Wide Shut meeting. Here's some words from the 12/12 that can serve me well ...

• we grab for more of everything we need, fearing we shall never have enough


• step four is the beginning of a lifetime practice


• fear, greed, possessive-ness and pride have too often done their worst


• did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacy by bluffing, cheating, lyin, or evading responsibility?


• did I recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it was repaid or not?


• the most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression


• the primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being


• either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much

for the 40 years of talent from Michael Jackson

for my favorite Charlie's Angel, Farrah Fawcett

for the fine example of the institution of marriage that the South Carolina Governor has been. He is a shining example of the (conservative) argument against gay marriage. NOT!!


When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in stationary one, and do without change.
- George Bernard Shaw